Rejuvenation.

It might be the fact that I actually slept last night, or that I’m on my second cup of coffee, but I feel great. This week I’ll probably sleep every other night, so I’m reveling in my satisfaction. I’m sure part of it is related to the fact that I haven’t been to classes today. I woke up this morning after having pressed my snooze in my sleep/semi-consciousness for about half an hour.
Speaking of doing things in one’s sleep, on some shitty daytime show this morning there were guys on who have sex with their wives while they’re sleeping. I’m talking middle of the night, don’t remember it in the morning, on the verge of rape, sex. It’s messed up. The one wife was literally concerned for her safety because her husband was getting so violent. Then, I was talking with my roommate and she said last night her man was being all mean when she got in bed and woke him up. She was trying to get him to cuddle and he snapped at her and curled up in a ball. This morning he didn’t remember any of it. I wonder what it is that makes the brain active enough during sleep to produce speech and move the body but fails to save the information as memory. It’s frightening, though I haven’t done anything extreme in my sleep. I sleepwalked once that I know of when I was younger; all I did was get in my parents’ bed. According to the story, they asked me what I was doing, and I said I didn’t know. Then they said, “Do you want to go back to bed?” I said yes, then got up and went to bed. They were simple actions and I was in familiar surroundings but if that’s possible then really anything could happen. I haven’t shown a proclivity for it overall, though, so I’m not worried for myself, unless my future husband is prone to sleep activity; then I’ll bring a rape whistle to bed.
Anyways, I woke up late and desperately needed a shower, so by the time I got out it was time to leave the house, and I really didn’t feel like rushing all over and most likely forgetting something important, so I slowed down and made myself breakfast, which was wonderful. That’s probably part of my good feeling now too; I never eat breakfast.
I have yoga tonight, which is one of my favorite parts of the week. I’ve been going all semester and will definitely miss it this summer. It’s not enough to get fit, because I've only been going once a week, but I feel wonderful afterwards and pleasantly sore the next day. Is it strange that I like being sore? I think I enjoy it because it reminds me that I exercised and I can feel all my muscles in a really interesting awareness of my body.
Maybe I’ll actually do some work at work. Shocking.

Thoughts

Yes, it's been a while since I've posted, and no, I'm not going to make the ubiquitous apology for falling behind the times because, let's face it, my three readers don't need another excuse to sit in front of their computers, especially these days when it's so beautiful outside. I'd rather spare them from my insane run-on sentences.
Still, here I am at work with nothing better to do, so I'm writing. I'm going to be at the computer anyways, whether it's reading catty commentaries about celebrity fashion (gofugyourself.typepad.com) or myspacing... That was such a shameless plug, but it's fantastic. Check it.
I'm craving the outdoors, despite my existing sunburn and my mountain of work to do. It's so tempting to wait till it's dark to set up in the sewing lab, but that's ridiculous. I have so much due tomorrow. This weekend has already been so relaxed; Friday night was camping in Jersey, celebrating 4/20... you get the picture. Saturday I was by the lake all day. I'm trying to get my sunny days in when I have time. I know my summer will be too busy for a lot of time outside. I'm working two jobs, at the Co-op again with the Hanover Inn added on. I'll be hosting to start and hopefully getting bartending and serving experience on the side, which is exactly what I need to get a better job here at school. School office work doesn't cut it.
I've been thinking a lot recently about life/career moves. I still have about a year and half to think about it seriously, but... WHAT. A YEAR AND A HALF. KILL ME. No, but really I don't even know if I want to stay in fashion design. It's meaningful to me because it's a form of artistic expression, and I love the education I'm getting, but in the long run it's meaningless and temporary. I have trouble justifying its importance in the grand scheme of things. It's improving people's lives, but only aesthetically. I'm not a "change the world" kind of person, because that seems unrealistic, but I want my work to positively affect people more than a beautifully cut dress or a tailored jacket. I've always considered using recycled fabrics, basing my company or business on that idea, but what is that? That's just an improvement on a career in fashion, bringing sustainability into the equation, attempting to justify my lack of purpose. So I'd sell a few dresses made of recycled fabric. OK. This makes the job sound easy; I know it would never be simple. That, if anything, is what I've learned so far. However, the difficulty doesn't condone the end result; it might even make the entire venture more ridiculous because I'd be working hard and long to create something in which I can't believe. Fashion is a materialistic field; it thrives on trends and seasonal fashions to drive the market. This is good news for a future fashion designer, because there will always be demand for someone who is talented and innovative, but it rubs me the wrong way. My values are increasingly opposed to this disposable American lifestyle, full of consumeristic greed. I could go off on this, but I'm running out of time. Basically, I'm rethinking my life right now. It was bound to happen.