Thoughts

Yes, it's been a while since I've posted, and no, I'm not going to make the ubiquitous apology for falling behind the times because, let's face it, my three readers don't need another excuse to sit in front of their computers, especially these days when it's so beautiful outside. I'd rather spare them from my insane run-on sentences.
Still, here I am at work with nothing better to do, so I'm writing. I'm going to be at the computer anyways, whether it's reading catty commentaries about celebrity fashion (gofugyourself.typepad.com) or myspacing... That was such a shameless plug, but it's fantastic. Check it.
I'm craving the outdoors, despite my existing sunburn and my mountain of work to do. It's so tempting to wait till it's dark to set up in the sewing lab, but that's ridiculous. I have so much due tomorrow. This weekend has already been so relaxed; Friday night was camping in Jersey, celebrating 4/20... you get the picture. Saturday I was by the lake all day. I'm trying to get my sunny days in when I have time. I know my summer will be too busy for a lot of time outside. I'm working two jobs, at the Co-op again with the Hanover Inn added on. I'll be hosting to start and hopefully getting bartending and serving experience on the side, which is exactly what I need to get a better job here at school. School office work doesn't cut it.
I've been thinking a lot recently about life/career moves. I still have about a year and half to think about it seriously, but... WHAT. A YEAR AND A HALF. KILL ME. No, but really I don't even know if I want to stay in fashion design. It's meaningful to me because it's a form of artistic expression, and I love the education I'm getting, but in the long run it's meaningless and temporary. I have trouble justifying its importance in the grand scheme of things. It's improving people's lives, but only aesthetically. I'm not a "change the world" kind of person, because that seems unrealistic, but I want my work to positively affect people more than a beautifully cut dress or a tailored jacket. I've always considered using recycled fabrics, basing my company or business on that idea, but what is that? That's just an improvement on a career in fashion, bringing sustainability into the equation, attempting to justify my lack of purpose. So I'd sell a few dresses made of recycled fabric. OK. This makes the job sound easy; I know it would never be simple. That, if anything, is what I've learned so far. However, the difficulty doesn't condone the end result; it might even make the entire venture more ridiculous because I'd be working hard and long to create something in which I can't believe. Fashion is a materialistic field; it thrives on trends and seasonal fashions to drive the market. This is good news for a future fashion designer, because there will always be demand for someone who is talented and innovative, but it rubs me the wrong way. My values are increasingly opposed to this disposable American lifestyle, full of consumeristic greed. I could go off on this, but I'm running out of time. Basically, I'm rethinking my life right now. It was bound to happen.